Forgot to mention -- my Christmas Eve was highlighted by watching Ben Roethlisberger beat the crap out of Joey Porter in the Heinz Field media parking lot.
In spite of what you see on t.v., Big Ben and J. Peezy are surprisingly small, and were staggeringly drunk on Christmas Eve. Perhaps even more surprising, Joey Porter is actually a white guy.
Here's how it went down. When I first spotted them, Ben wrestled Joey to the ground, and held him there until he promised to get a hold of himself. When Peezy agreed, Ben let him up, and the two began walking across the lot.
After about 10 steps, Porter threw a punch at Big Ben, and hit him in the throat -- after which, Ben tagged Porter about 5 times in the face. Peezy hit the ground, and Ben gave him a couple of boots for good measure.
Peezy got up, and Ben asked him if it was over. Porter agreed that it was, and then proceeded to punch Ben in the neck again. Ben tagged him, knocked him down, kicked him, and helped him up.
In all, the throat-punch, facial-tag, knock-down, kick, help-up scenario was repeated four times before I lost sight of those two rascals. It was comforting to know that I would soon be sharing the roads with them, though.
Again, though, it was surprising how different they looked in person.
Oh, on another note, if you watched the post-game and happened to see an extraordinarily handsome guy in a charcoal-colored suit holding a tape recorder in the real Ben's face, that was me. A co-worker has informed me that I was nothing short of captivating.
UPDATE:
In other news...
We can only hope that it's going a little something like this....
OMG! OMG! OMG! Please please please!!
And for the record, I now READ Mary Worth because of this blog! You OWE me a beer at the next blogfest for that!
Posted by: Ol'Froth | January 05, 2007 at 01:13 AM
Looks like Mary's going to eat that tuna casserole all by herself from now on.
Posted by: Concerned Citizen | January 05, 2007 at 09:40 AM
Is that really true about Roethlisberger? Not that I would be shocked, mind you...
Posted by: teh l4m3 | January 05, 2007 at 08:38 PM
A couple of people have asked, so no -- it wasn't Ben and Joey. Just two drunks in Ben and Porter jerseys. The best part of the whole affair was the group of guys who gathered round and began doing play-by-play. "Oh, and Porter punches Ben in the neck -- and Porter's down!" etc.
Posted by: Bob | January 06, 2007 at 01:23 PM
I live in Chicago, and you would not BELIEVE how different Brian Urlacher looks between spottings. There are times when he looks downright female. Crazy stuff.
Also that Dr. Jeff illustration is pure gold.
Posted by: briantologist | January 06, 2007 at 02:12 PM